To say the video shared is of an older incident of violence, is to say that that violence is fine because it is not the immediate cause of death
Illustration/Uday Mohite
“According to Vipin’s relatives, clips of the assault that Kanchan posted are from last winter, not August 21.”
That may be the most chilling line from the news reports about the death of Nikki Bhati, allegedly set ablaze by her husband, in striking continuity with the dowry murders from “accidentally” exploding kerosene stoves of the 1980s.
Conflicting accounts of Nikki Bhati’s death have emerged on whether her husband burned her alive or she caught fire “by accident” while he was hanging out at a nearby shop. There’s no conflict though about the violence because he was angry at her Instagram reels and that she was earning money through a beauty parlour she ran with her sister (also married into the same family). And that this violence is built into our structures.
To say the video shared is of an older incident of violence, is to say that that violence is fine because it is not the immediate cause of death. Such violence “toh miya biwi mein hota rehta hai”, as her husband said. The violence in the video is brutal and terrifying. Yet, each time she complained Nikki’s family told her to adjust. Her husband was pacified with something, like a Bullet bike and things would settle until the next round of violence. But the violence was concealed for fear of shame. Because men are not shamed for violence and dominance – but venerated at every level, in every public conversation. Only when the violence became “ati” was it revealed.
At this point the parents agreed their daughters should not return, but were persuaded otherwise by the larger community. The panchayat effected a reconciliation in which it was agreed that Nikki would not make reels any more. In other words violence is not only justified, provoked by her making reels, but “natural”. Before everyone jumps on ye olde khap bandwagon, this approach is not limited to panchayats.
Less than 10 per cent of women facing violence make police complaints, because less than 5 per cent of all complaints are prosecuted. The police too expect you to adjust, to “understand” that a man’s violence is justified.
While expressing concern, the media too plays two images side by side in an endless loop — the reels and the abuse — implicitly sealing the link between them. They cannot find another method of reportage because on the bodies and images of abused women are stories and profits produced, like so much else in society.
When is violence “ati”? How is the level of acceptable violence determined? It is determined in direct proportion to the suppression of women’s freedom, rest and joy. Women’s freedoms are limited – and the limit is marriage and family. Their negotiations must take place within those tight limits into which you must shrink yourself or die.
The shocked innocent news anchors who exclaim OMG dowry still exists how we got the plot so wrong, can perhaps ask that question next time they cover a huge wedding and make dewy-eyed proclamations about marriage as if it is no blood relation of violence.
Paromita Vohra is an award-winning Mumbai-based filmmaker, writer and curator working with fiction and non-fiction. Reach her at paromita.vohra@mid-day.com
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