How not to deal with a Bhagnari bull

The four young men had done their due diligence as appropriate when yoursquore planning to threaten intimidate extort and violently beat up someone in Mumbai They knew that their target a lawyer worked in a certain building in Andheri West and had a habit of working well beyond usual office hoursThey had picked the time strategically so that most other offices on the premises would have closed or be closing The building would be mostly emptyThey were armed for the attack cellphones chargedThe lawyer was stocky and on the short side and unlikely to present any serious resistance when confronted by four determined thugs Lawyers are men of words not action This one would probably fold in a few minutesAll was in readiness for a successful hitThere was just one small hole in the young menrsquos researchmdashthey had forgotten to read up about Bhagnari bullsIf you stand next to a Bhagnari you might feel like a pygmy At 213 metres height this bovine towers over its human owners It is as heavy as a hippo weighing in at 1500 kg and its natural home is around Sibi the district capital of Balochistan PakistanMost people call it the Sibi Bhagnari after the town of Bhag just south of Sibi and the Nari river that flows through the breeding area The jury is still out on whether the Bhagnari qualifies as the worldrsquos largest cattle breedIt is a powerful humourless animal In general it will leave you alone if you leave it alone But if it decides it doesnrsquot like you then even god may not be able to help youThe hoodlums didnrsquot know that the lawyer was himself a Bhagnari which is how members of Mumbairsquos Baloch community call themselvesThere are an estimated 300 Baloch families in Mumbai part of a larger migration of Balochis to India during the Partition About 150 of them settled in Kataria Colony near Shivaji Park and the rest are scattered over the western suburbs and ghettos Many senior Bhagnaris speak their traditional Siraiki language in addition to SindhiYoursquove seen some of them in the movies With their robust appetite for risk and danger many Bhagnaris find their true vocation as stuntmen and fastaction drivers in BollywoodGehani was no stuntman but his ancestors like the famous bull had come from Bhag Heritage matters you knowThe chief hoodlum had called Gehani that morning pretending to be a client with a thorny legal issue He took an appointment for about 5 that evening Gehani thought the voice sounded familiar but didnrsquot give it much thoughtHe was mildly surprised when four not one young men arrived at his office One carried a good length of nylon rope the leader had a gun While one of them positioned himself outside the cabinrsquosentrance two took the chairs opposite the lawyer while the main man spokeAlso readWe must understand that rules are for our own benefitHe wanted a signed confession from Gehani that he had wilfully lost a certain case after being bribed by the other sideThe lawyer remembers thinking Itrsquos over This is the day I die Fear filled him On cue scenes from his life flashed before his eyes learning to box rockclimbing on the Bhimashankar range morning workouts as an RSS youthSince the accusation was not true he told the young men that he would not sign anythingAt this the leader moved behind Gehani and held the pistol to his headHersquos going to shoot me the lawyer thought Then came a fresh insight If Irsquom as good as dead anyway why hold anything back nowWith this Gehani discovered his inner Bhagnari He reached back and wrenched the gun from the manrsquos hand instantly realising it was a fake The thought that he had been fooled by a plastic toy enraged him further so when the other youth grabbed his hand and broke his fingers he got to his feet with a bellow and began to give the scoundrels the bashing they had come to give himThe dogs whipped fled the scene of the attempted crime whimpering and yelping but Gehani had the leader in custody The rest were caught soon enoughIf yoursquore a hitman there are several lessons you can learn from the Gehani incident to prepare yourself for your next crimeDonrsquot do it if you havenrsquot done it before Threatening and extortion is an art and you canrsquot improvise on the jobDonrsquot carry a Chinese fake gun Also donrsquot carry a real gun unless yoursquore ready to fire it And of course never fire a gun unless yoursquore prepared to donate the rest of your life to a maximum security prisonIf you plan to beat up someone for godrsquos sake donrsquot make a freakinrsquo appointment for it Besides most people will be on the alert from now after reading this very popular columnFinally if your victim turns out to be a Bhagnari bull from Balochistan run like hell in the opposite directionYou can reach C Y Gopinath at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper