We’ve been badgered by the scant respect given to the English language for a while now, courtesy the many press releases that reach the newspaper. The end result has left us scarred and amused. Here are some of our favourites to start your Monday with a chuckle
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I sincerely hope that English grammar Nazi Sabira Merchant will not mind my hat-tip to her since I’ve blatantly borrowed most of the title of her iconic television show, What’s the Good Word?, that was quite the hit during the Doordarshan days. The show was the only one that the mother allowed me to watch even if my homework was unfinished.
Fast forward to the days of Google baba and now, AI and ChatGPT. The floodgates have opened, the language is at the mercy of these tools, and Wren & Martin could well be a London-based office wear brand. Over years of being gobsmacked by how the language has been surgically messed up in press releases and other communication meant to be featured in the newspaper, here are a few standout gems that I call, ‘The Greatest Hits’.
Apollo Bandar: The Arabian Sea-facing promenade cannot get the monkey off its back. Everyone has forgotten the meaning of the Hindi word ‘bunder’ that was taught to us while in primary school.
Charming, quaint: Merriam-Webster’s thesaurus could come handy. But, no, our champs will stick to ‘charming’ and/or ‘quaint’ for every object and element, from a café to a sofa-cum-bed.
Heritage-type: This term has been massacred, and we’ve been witness to many such duds. Often, since the subject is of keen interest to have a dekko of these recommended spaces for their ‘heritage’ factor. From lanterns and cupboards, to the interiors of restaurants, and public utility services like street lamps and benches, it’s mostly an aberration. It’s either a poorly imitated lookalike of a design that they would have spotted or believed to be the real deal by their designer. In this case, imitation is definitely not the best form of flattery.
Art Deco-inspired: This trend is catching since this is the centennial year when the Art Deco movement rose in France. Ever-ready to catch on to a cool and distant theme, and with no Art Deco police in sight, we’ve been inundated with all kinds of odes in press literature, from restaurant and bar interiors, to luxe apartments.
Industrial vibe: Another abused term for design, we thought we’d seen the last of it, but clearly interior designers seem to be struggling for inspiration. Exposed brick walls, a few pipes precariously suspended on hinges on the ceiling and along the walls, and the grunge-y knick-knacks cannot equate to this term, sorry.
Nestled in a bylane: Yes, every café, restaurant and eatery will lead you there, because there isn’t any other way to locate the hottest address in town. And it has to be ‘nestled’ or sometimes, even ‘secluded’. Though we cannot guarantee an unforeseen crater along the way.
Gothic arches: Every circular-shaped entrance to a building, a restaurant or an office cannot be a Gothic-style design. FW Stevens and his ilk would be turning in their graves at Sewri cemetery. Please spare us this heady new-age version of this ornate architectural style that looks more at home on the sets of a desi soap drama.
Enduring legacies and timeless traditions: These terms, like good fast bowlers who hunt in pairs, usually show up together. It’s easy to locate if in the same sentence, but can sometimes be dropped across different paragraphs to reiterate the same. From expensive watches, to furnishings and fabrics, not to forget residential townships, it’s a pricey bunch of words.
Handwoven elegance: Textile custodians and handloom fair regulars will shudder at this overused term that’s fooled even the most discerning eye. Every garment is not handwoven; remember the powerloom weave can trick easily, so if you’re looking to buy OG stuff, we suggest you invite a textile scholar to accompany you before you break the bank over a pricey jamdani or Benarasi.
Whacky instead of wacky: This is an old favourite. Your ‘whacky’ sense of humour could hurt you badly. We’ve guffawed a million times at how this word has been misinterpreted in intern and even ‘senior’ writer’s copies. It wacked us out.
Reputed pundit and renowned scholar: Yes, we hear you. They are respected in their fields, but do we need to highlight it just in case you feel one halo isn’t enough for these great folks? Again, our friend, Merriam and Webster, could come into play, but who has that kind of time?
Droppings of heaven: This came from a friend who is a food reviewer. Here, the copywriter clearly got confused while describing a certain brand of momos that needed the mileage —and wrote it as ‘droppings of heaven’, instead of the believable, ‘drops of heaven.’ Either way, we must watch over our heads, thanks to such brilliant copy.
Culinary delights: We’d like to know if any well-meaning eatery, café or restaurant has ever served a non-culinary dish. As far as delights go, we will let you be the judge.
We aren’t sure if any of the press release writers would have read this column, but if they actually did, we are looking forward to more elegant grammar delights.
mid-day’s Features Editor Fiona Fernandez relishes the city’s sights, sounds, smells and stones...wherever the ink and the inclination takes her.
She tweets@bombayana. Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com
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