When will I be sure about this relationship
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 32-year old woman and have been dating a guy my age for four years now. We plan to get married within the next year, but I am not sure about this decision because we have split up three times since we got together. The longest we have stayed apart after breaking up has been six months, and I don’t know if this is a sign that we have some issues we haven’t fully worked out yet. He is positive about it and says it has helped us understand each other better, but I am not sure because marriage is a lifelong commitment, and I don’t think I can handle the idea of splitting up whenever we have a fight. When will I be sure about this relationship?
Only you and your partner can answer that question. He has a point about how separating and getting back always teaches you both something about each other, but you’re right about it not being a way of handling disagreements in the future. If you believe there are unresolved issues, you have time to talk about them and resolve them until you are more comfortable with committing to a future with him. Neither of you is under any obligation to marry until you are both ready, and you have to prepare for the possibility that you may never be entirely certain until you go ahead. What you can do is think about why you want to be with this person, and what you are both prepared to do if you want to live together.
My aunt recently said something nasty about my love life, and I don’t know if she meant to hurt me or force me to rethink what I want from a relationship. Am I overthinking this?
You can choose to accept or reject any comments about your personal life, provided you are comfortable with your choices, and know your mind. It’s okay to have wants and expectations of your own that no one else may understand.
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