Just say the code word: Hey girl, you are safe at this bar

The code is usually hidden in the loo; (right) Bandra Born and Praia Bar & Kitchen claim that ensuring women’s safety is part of their hospitality. Representational pic/iStock

In the dimly lit corners of bars and restaurants in the city, first dates unfold with the promise of laughter, flirtation and, sometimes, unease. For many women, the question isn't only about the food or the ambience, but whether they'll feel safe if things go wrong. Two of the city's restaurateurs, Gresham Fernandes of Bandra Born and Gaurav Debrai of Praia Bar & Kitchen in Worli, have decided that ensuring safety is as much a part of hospitality as pouring a drink or serving a meal.

At both restaurants, tucked discreetly inside the ladies' restroom, a secret code is displayed. Guests who find themselves in uncomfortable situations can quietly share it with the staff. Once spoken aloud to a manager or waiter, it triggers a carefully designed system of intervention. A bad date or a pushy companion is
quickly handled, often without others at the table ever realising what's happening.

For Fernandes, who has spent decades in kitchens and dining rooms, the idea wasn't sparked by a single incident. "There wasn't a specific trigger," he says. "For me, it was about creating a space where everyone who walks in feels taken care of. That's why the code is discreet, placed only in the ladies' restroom, so it's accessible without drawing attention."

Gaurav Dabrai and Gresham Fernandes

The system is simple but effective. The code changes daily, and once a guest uses it, the team jumps into action. "If a woman needs a cab, we'll arrange one. If she just wants someone to talk to, a female team member will assist. If someone is bothering her, we have a protocol for that too," Fernandes explains. "The response is situation-based, but the guiding principle is always her safety and comfort."

Debrai's journey towards implementing a code system goes back even further. At Praia, it began with small but thoughtful gestures: stocking toiletries and sanitary napkins in the loo and offering drinks with lids to avoid spiking. Soon, the measures expanded. "We even started offering drops for ladies before Uber came to India," he recalls. Currently, the restaurant is undergoing a renovation.

When he came across the idea of coded messages being used in bars abroad, the pieces clicked together. "For women, we went further because 65-70 per cent of our guests were women, and about 40 per cent of our reservations were date nights. I remember once noticing a girl who was clearly uncomfortable. That reminded me of the code idea," he says. His team created a discreet protocol: a guest could write a message on a piece of tissue paper and pass it to the DJ. From there, staff - often a female manager or team member - would step in with a casual line, such as "your car is parked wrong," giving the woman an immediate exit.

For Fernandes, the system is rooted in a philosophy of responsibility. "The moment someone walks into your restaurant, they become your responsibility," he says. "Of course, law enforcement steps in when things escalate, but inside our premises, it's on us to make guests feel safe. I think of my own daughter in that situation - I'd want the management of a place she's in to be proactive and supportive."

The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. Fernandes notes that many women have personally thanked Bandra Born for the initiative, though challenges remain. "Sometimes guests share the code on social media, which is problematic, but it anyway changes daily. On busy nights, people even misuse it to ‘test' the system. But we always request guests to keep it confidential and use it responsibly."

At Praia, the results have ranged from life-saving interventions to lighter moments. "We've had a couple of women bail out using the code and later thank us. In one case, it was just a bad date. The guy was boring her," he laughs. "She needed an exit and we staged a small excuse about her car being punctured," Debrai laughs. "Sometimes it's serious; sometimes, it's just about giving someone a graceful way out."

In a city where women's safety is often framed as the job of law enforcement, Bandra Born and Praia Bar & Kitchen are quietly redefining what hospitality means. For them, it's not just about food or ambience. It's about creating a space where women can sip a cocktail, meet someone new, and know that the restaurant has their back.

40%
Percentage of reservations at Praia that were dates