Bestie, my bf can’t stand each other!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a relationship for two years and, all through that time, my boyfriend and best friend have refused to see eye to eye. They didn't get along from the first time they met, and there has been endless hostility between them ever since. They don't even like being in the same room together, which has led to some unnecessary issues during parties or other celebrations. I have tried my best to sort things out, organised meetings where we have tried to talk things through, but nothing has worked. They just don't like each other, and I have made my peace with this. What worries me is the future, if my boyfriend and I ever commit to a more serious relationship. My best friend has already indicated that she won't support this, and I worry that it will cause a rift between us. It's starting to feel as if I will have to choose between her and my partner, which is unfair because I don't know how to resolve it.
It is unfair, and you shouldn't have to resolve it given that there are two adults involved. They are entitled to their individual feelings and shouldn't have to meet each other if they don't want to, because it's okay for people to not get along. It's a problem when someone they both claim to care about is being compelled to choose. You shouldn't have to worry about your future based on how two people in your life interact with each other, and they both need to get this message. Explain why it doesn't make sense for you to try and fix this, point out that the problem is theirs alone and, if this does lead to a rift, make it clear that the loss isn't yours because the decision to drift apart isn't being made by you. A clear message like that should get through and, if it doesn't, you should absolve yourself for doing everything you can. There is nothing else that can be done.

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