BF is insecure about my bestie

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I feel as if I am caught between my boyfriend and my best friend who happens to be male. There is always an ego clash between them because my boyfriend feels I tend to listen to my friend more than I do to him. This is inevitable because I think my friend understands me better. He has been in my life for a lot longer and I trust him. It's not as if I don't trust my boyfriend, but I can't make him feel as if I will listen to him just to make him feel more secure in this relationship. It's making me lie about things because I know how touchy he gets about this issue. I love my boyfriend a lot, and he knows there are no romantic feelings between me and my best friend. It's why I struggle to make him understand that not listening to him does not mean I don't love or value him. How do I get him to stop being insecure?
You can't get someone to manage their insecurity if they aren't prepared to confront some truths about themselves. Your boyfriend may be upset but that doesn't allow him to dictate how you make decisions that affect your life because you alone have that right. If you want to listen to your friend, it is your prerogative alone, and he has to come to terms with it because that is what respect means. Tell him why this is causing you pain and ask him to find a way of dealing with this because the onus is on him alone. He needs to understand that this is harming his relationship with you and if that doesn't give him the impetus to change his perspective and behaviour, you have to call it out. It takes time for people to become more secure in a relationship and it's possible that he will get over this, but you have to be clear about your boundaries and why he has to be more respectful.

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