Dr Love with Mid-Day: Just can’t move on from ex who passed

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My ex-boyfriend passed away around a year ago and I have not been able to get over the loss. We were not in touch for a few years, and I don't know if we could have rekindled our relationship, but I keep thinking about him and it feel as if I made a huge mistake by letting go of him. I know there's nothing I can do about the past, but I worry that the sense of loss I feel is preventing me from even going out and meeting new people. When I go on a date, I start comparing the guys I meet with my ex and they don't match up. How do I move on from this and get back to feeling like someone who can build a new relationship again?
It's okay to feel the way you do because everyone processes grief differently. There is no right or wrong way and comparing everyone you meet with an ex is perfectly okay even if you think it's unreasonable. Be kinder to yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you are struggling with, because it is only by sitting with it that you will find a way of moving forward. Look at the bright side too, which is that you are still meeting new people even if they aren't interesting enough. Be open to new experiences and trust that there will come a time when you will be able to find the capacity to be with someone else again.

Should I end a relationship because my partner is untidy? It makes me sound like a shallow person, but this is a sign that the person doesn't know how to behave like a functioning adult. It's a red flag for me even though I love him a lot.
If you don't like something and your partner is unwilling or unable to fix that, this isn't about a red flag as much as it is about incompatibility. If you can't see beyond it, do what is right for you.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com