Dr Love with Mid-Day: I wish he would just communicate!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How can I help my husband communicate better with me? We have been married for two years but I still have to do all the work when it comes to understanding what he's really feeling or trying to say. He doesn't want to confront anything or anyone and will pretend to do something even if he hates it, which ends up leading to an argument that is unavoidable. I keep telling him that being honest about his feelings will be good for us, but he can't find a way to do it. Should we seek professional help, or do I assume this will change with time?
Effective and honest communication is a skill that can and should be learned because it can help every relationship, no matter what stage it's in. If this is causing problems in your marriage, and you are being clear about what the issue is, the onus of fixing it is absolutely on him if he wants to build something strong with you. It is one of the very foundations upon which your future relationship depends, so he should take it seriously. If this means turning to an outsider for professional help, do it. If he isn't comfortable with that, ask him what he will consider, but get him to start by acknowledging that this problem is real and can cause immeasurable damage if it isn't addressed.

My girlfriend is increasingly jealous and insecure for reasons that aren't clear to me. How do I get her to see that this is causing us harm?
Insecurity comes from something that may be outside this relationship and not in your control. If she is struggling with an emotion, give her time to understand where it's coming from, but call it out whenever possible because she needs those inputs too. Talk about why she feels this way, explain how it makes you feel every time, and accept that this may take some time to resolve. It isn't something that can't be fixed, provided you both want to.

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