Dr Love with Mid-Day: She wants me to forgive and forget!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend casually told me that she had kissed another guy when we were a month into our relationship. We have been dating for a year-and-a-half and this was never mentioned before. When I asked her why she had never told me this, she said she thought it wasn't a big deal and she was not sure about being with me at the time. She says she is serious about us now and wanted to come clean about that incident. I don't know if this is something she is doing out of guilt, and I can't figure out how I am supposed to react to it. She clearly wants me to think that it wasn't a big deal either. She wants me to forgive and move on. What should I do?
She has been honest about what happened and has given her reasons. This isn't to say that what she did was right, but withholding information isn't the same as lying about something. If you are hurt and confused, you are allowed to feel those things because kissing someone else while in a relationship is undeniably wrong. If you need time to process how you feel and think of how you want to respond, that is okay too. Tell her why this has caused you pain even if it's been a long time ago and ask her to talk about it if you have questions. If she expects you to forgive and forget, and that isn't possible, ask for time because you are the one who was wronged. If she has chosen to share this with you now, she should also be prepared for how long it takes for you to understand what happened. As for what happens next, that will depend entirely upon how you both feel about the current state of your relationship and what you think you want to do. If you feel secure and want to be with each other, you can make that happen together.

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