Can’t commit till I am very sure...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

This is a question about my relationship goals, which my friends believe are unrealistic. I have been dating a guy for six months, but don't want to commit to anything serious until I have had time to evaluate his character. I have never dated anyone before, so I don't know what to expect or if he will change his attitude towards me after some time. My friends say I am being unnecessarily cautious and warn me that if I am constantly evaluating him, he will start to feel as if he is being tested. I don't do anything consciously to upset him. How can I be sure that he is someone genuine and worth being with? I don't want to make him feel as if I am judging him.
You don't want to make him feel as if he is being judged, while admitting that you are, in fact, judging him. This may be your first relationship and may probably not be your last. You don't have to go with anything your friends are saying, because how you behave is your prerogative, but I think it may make more sense to simply try and enjoy being in a relationship with this person. Spend time with him, talk about how you feel, get to know him better, and let things happen as they may. You can't control people any more than you can control circumstances, and you don't have to commit to anything now or in the future if you're not comfortable with the idea. Why ruin what you have by speculating about what might happen or how things may change?

My girlfriend wants me to spend time with her family, but I know they don't like me. She just doesn't get that. How can I convince her?
If it is important to her, why not try and get through it? She may be more open to how you feel in time, because families are often our blind spots. Think of it as something you're doing for her alone.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com