Communication is a major issue

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend and I struggle to communicate. We have been together for around five months, and I know it takes time for two people to understand each other better, but our dates are weird because we spend half the time just wondering what to say to each other. I don't know if other couples have this problem, but I have never experienced it before with any ex-girlfriends, so I don't know if my girlfriend is just shy and can't say what's on her mind. I have tried asking her all kinds of questions, but her responses are always short, and she doesn't come back with any questions of her own, so it starts to feel one-sided very quickly. I don't know if I can keep doing this because it is exhausting after a point. Now I am always a little tired even before I meet her because I know I will have to do all the work. We are very attracted to each other, and I know she cares about me, which is why this situation is so strange. How do I get out of this rut?
Caring for someone and developing communications skills are two separate things. If your girlfriend isn't communicating, you can be patient, but you have to accept that your patience will run out after a point. It's possible that she is shy and needs time to open up, and that's okay, but it's also possible that you won't like meeting her if your dates start to feel like work. The onus of fixing this isn't on you alone, so I suggest you stop trying too hard to fill in those silences with conversation. Try meeting her with no expectations and say nothing if it isn't natural. If things don't change after a point, ask yourself if your mutual attraction is backed by compatibility, which is equally important. Also, don't be afraid to ask her any direct questions.

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