Haven’t told my family about him

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been lying to my family about my relationship because I know they won't approve. My boyfriend was okay about this at first, but it has been a year, and he is beginning to feel the strain of my constantly having to withhold information to my parents. He doesn't say anything, but I feel as if he thinks I am ashamed of him. This isn't true at all. I love him a lot, but I also love my family and don't want to cause them pain. I feel as if he I am being torn between what I want and what I am expected to want, which is causing a lot of stress in my relationship. How do I resolve this without hurting either side? I am confused.
It doesn't seem as if you can do both if you will inadvertently cause someone pain. You can ask your boyfriend to be more understanding, but you can't control how he feels. As for your parents, they are adults and may have to accept your decision as an adult too. Situations that involve family are always tricky because expectations and reality don't always match, but you have to make a decision based on what you believe is right for you. If this means hurting someone, the burden of managing that should be on them because you aren't doing anything wrong by choosing someone you want to be with. Doing this is easier said than done, of course, but doing nothing will not be an option forever because the issue isn't going to magically resolve itself. Consider sitting your parents down, telling them the truth, and giving them time to process the implications of your choice. Not doing that puts you at risk of alienating your partner, unless he is willing to constantly stay in the shadows. There will come a time where he will find it harder to be cut out of your life because it will seem increasingly unfair. Empathise with him too, while deciding what to do.

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