He blows hot and cold and I’m tired!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a relationship for three years, with a guy who is sometimes affectionate and sometimes completely uninterested. I don't know what to make of it because, every time I think of ending it, he goes into overdrive and starts to behave extra sweet. I am always right at the brink when he changes his behaviour and convinces me to stay on. I am starting to feel as if this is how things will always be between us, which makes me anxious about my future because I want to be in a relationship that is stable, not one that blows hot and cold. Should I stay here and try to improve things between us, or risk ending it and look for something more meaningful?
If you have serious doubts about where this is going after three years of being together, it's obvious that you have some serious issues that need to be resolved. Your partner's behaviour can be attributed to mood swings, but that doesn't absolve him from the fact that he isn't looking at this relationship from the perspective you are, which could lead to problems down the road. The longer you take to address this, the harder it will be for you both. If you want to end it, tell him why you don't see a future, and ask him what he has in mind. If he has no clear idea of where this is headed, he probably never will. If he does, and says he wants to work to make it happen, give him time to back his words with actions. Give yourself a cut-off period too, to avoid being in the same position you're in a year from now.

How can I convince my girlfriend that my feelings for her are genuine? She simply laughs it off when I mention it, which I don't understand.
Why not give her time to evaluate this on her own terms? Saying something and proving it are different things and she may have her own parameters.

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