I am constantly insecure with her

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to improve my relationship with my girlfriend, but nothing I do or say helps her connect with me in a deeper, more meaningful way. She and I have been together for almost eight months now, and I constantly get the feeling that she will end this any time, or if she finds someone, she likes better. There is a sense of insecurity she has instilled in me, and I don't know if she has done this on purpose to make me try and please her all the time. It's as if there is a threat hanging over me, and she wants to make me feel as if I am under her power. I love her a lot and really want this to work, but I am constantly stressed because it feels as if she can walk away and leave me anytime. How do I get her to change her behaviour and take this relationship, and me, more seriously?
If your girlfriend believes that making you insecure about this relationship is a way of holding on to you, the opposite is true. If you feel this way all the time, it is a huge red flag you are ignoring because your feelings are getting in the way. No relationship built on fear can survive, let alone evolve or thrive. If you don't feel secure about this, it means your relationship isn't secure, and that you are the only one pulling in one direction. This will only end badly if nothing changes. I suggest you tell your girlfriend how you feel and talk about the possibility of this relationship not surviving for these reasons. If that doesn't compel her to change, or improve how you both communicate, I suggest you assume the worst and prepare for the possibility that she just isn't as committed to making this work as you are. You will not be able to save it single-handedly, and the toll will not be worth it after a point. Think of your mental health.

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