Dr Love with Mid-Day: How do I get out of a bad marriage?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My partner and I have been together for almost four years, but we are married to other people. This has not been a problem because our marriages have failed a long time ago and we are only in this situation for financial and other reasons. I am constantly in pain though, because my life is starting to feel like a lie as I get older. If this is how I am supposed to live for the foreseeable future, I don't think I can carry on. I want to be able to live with my partner permanently, but I know it can't be done anytime soon, and I keep getting worse when it comes to my mental health. I have to go back to a person who doesn't love me only because I can't get out and be with the one I want to be with. I don't think there is a way out and I am desperate. What should I do?

You know why you feel the way you do, and the pain you are experiencing will have an undeniable impact not just on your mental health but on other aspects of your life too. If you believe there is no way out, and that this arrangement - notwithstanding the moral or legal issues involved - is the only option, you will have to make a decision based on what your priorities are. Everyone should have the right to be with the person they love, but these circumstances aren't tenable for too long because it will start to erode your identity and make you question everything. Ask yourself if what you are giving up is worth it, given that you can't think of a realistic or practical way out. Living with someone who doesn't love you has no benefits, irrespective of what you think your reasons may be for the moment. Ask your partner if they feel the same way, and choose a path forward based on what you think is right for you and your well-being. Put yourself first.

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