I don’t like him speaking to his ex

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been dating a guy who is madly in love with me, but also continues to chat with his ex-girlfriend as often as he can. They were together for two years and it ended because she didn't want to commit to a long-term relationship. He says he is over her and wants to be friends because he likes her a lot, but I am always insecure because it makes me feel as if I am not adequate enough to meet his emotional needs. If he gets the support from me that he needs, why does he also have to tell her about what's going on in his life? Is he just needy and desperate for attention or is there something going on here that I am not understanding? Is this a red flag that there are problems in our relationship? I'm confused because I know he isn't cheating on me.
How is being in touch with a friend a red flag of any sort? She happens to be his ex, but to assume that he is in touch with her because you aren't enough for him is to do him a disservice. You can be insecure about his friendship because you are allowed to feel anything you want to, but it makes more sense to address this insecurity by discussing it with him rather than assuming things aren't going well. Tell him why her presence bothers you and ask him what he gets by being in touch with her. It is perfectly acceptable for one to be friends with an ex, just as it is perfectly okay for one to talk about things with a friend that one simply isn't comfortable discussing with a partner. If his behaviour bothers you, ask him for an explanation. Listen to his reasons and give him a chance to put across his side of things. He is with you, not her, and you say that he loves you. Why assume things aren't working when all the signs show that they are?

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