'I’m having a hard time trusting her'

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I was married for four years and ended it because my wife was cheating on me. This happened three years ago, and I have never been with anyone since that period. I recently met a woman I like a lot and have begun going out to dinner and movies with her. She enjoys my company too and we have been talking about our feelings lately. I found out that she was married too, a few years ago, but she doesn't explain why that relationship ended. She only says it was a very bad time for her and that she wants to forget it. It makes me suspicious because I feel as if I can't trust her. I know this is unfair because not every woman is like my ex-wife, but this paranoia is getting in the way of us spending more time together. How can I get rid of this feeling? Should I get into a relationship with her if we both like the idea?
It's okay to be suspicious or paranoid. You had your heart broken and rebuilding trust can be a slow process. If you like this person, and she likes you, it may make sense to start from there and take it one day at a time. If she wants to put something behind her, it's obvious that she is as hurt as you once were. Respect that decision and give her the time and space she needs to come to terms with how much she can tell you. She may never want to revisit that period of her life, and that is okay too. Healthy relationships focus on the present, rather than the past. The two of you have a chance of beginning something new with a clean slate. Why not try it and then decide if she is worth being suspicious about? Why label her without giving her a chance to show you who she really is as a person? You wouldn't want someone to write you off without getting to know you.

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