In love with a married man...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I know I shouldn't be involved with a guy who is married but I can't help feeling the way I feel. He loves me too and I know his marriage is a sham, which is why I don't feel guilty. I am being made to feel as if this is wrong only because society can't come to terms with this arrangement. My friends want me to break up with him and find a single guy, but I will be miserable if that happens given the connection we share. I am miserable all the time and just want to be able to have a relationship with someone I genuinely love. Why is this so hard and what can I do to make everyone in my life accept it?
You are entitled to being with someone you love, but there are moral and legal issues that aren't being addressed here, starting with the fact that there is a third person involved. You aren't acknowledging this person's wife or accepting that this is a relationship with someone who is legally bound to someone else. If you want to have a relationship with him, the onus of making it okay lies with him. He can't claim to love you while ignoring the person he is legally with. If the marriage is a sham, nothing stops him from ending it before committing to a relationship with you. If there are hurdles there, it means constantly accepting that this relationship will be challenging on multiple fronts and will have to be managed without external support. Ask yourself if you are prepared to do this, and for how long you both think you will be able to maintain the status quo.

Should I break up with my boyfriend because I think he should be with someone better than me?
If you are not secure in this relationship and don't trust or accept his ability to think for himself, this relationship isn't going to evolve, nor will it be a positive space for either of you.

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