Not sure if he really wants this!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 27-year-old woman in a long-distance relationship. We have been together for a little over a year, and I have begun to feel a cooling off between us. I know we love each other, but it's also starting to feel as if we will both be okay if this relationship fizzles out. Neither of us is willing to admit it, and he always says he wants to commit to this when I ask, but I can't shake that feeling. Should I back off and compel him to chase me a little? Maybe if he senses that I am not going to be in his life, he may start to work harder on trying to keep me with him. I don't know if there is anything else I can do because meeting him in person is not an option for a year or so. What should I do?
You don't have to play games or jump to assumptions if you want this to work out. All relationships, even if they aren't managed long-distance, require two people to work towards a common goal. If you think there is a cooling off between you two, moving away isn't the answer. Engage with your partner, talk about your feelings, and be honest about the challenges of being apart. If you know there is a problem, the only way to tackle it is to ask your partner to work on making this better. Getting him to chase you may only make things worse, given that you are already living apart from each other. It's the sort of idea that may make sense in a movie, not in real life.

My girlfriend is sometimes cold towards me with no explanation. She says she's just moody and I have tried to accept this, but it's hard. What should I do?
Being moody is not an excuse for treating a partner badly. If she doesn't get that, it's disrespectful and not the kind of behaviour that leads to a solid and healthy relationship.

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