She thinks I’m not over my ex!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been dating someone for four months and we argue all the time. I don't know if this is a problem related to who she is as a person or if it has something to do with the fact that she is jealous of my ex-girlfriend. Maybe it's a combination of both things. She always accuses me of still being in love with my ex, which is what triggers most of our fights. The thing is, I sometimes wonder if she's right about this and if I cannot recognise that I haven't moved on from my previous relationship. It's not as if I don't love my current girlfriend, but if we keep arguing and she keeps telling me that I love someone else, how is this relationship going to survive? Should I take time out to try and figure out what I'm feeling, or just wait until we can find a way to get along better?
Taking time out to understand how you feel is always great, especially if you aren't clear about the situation you're in. It takes time to move on from someone even after a relationship ends, and there's nothing wrong with that provided you have some degree of self-awareness that allows you to understand what you're going through. There's nothing with arguments in a relationship either, because you are both walking away from them with a better understanding of what your individual problems are, as well as what you expect from each other. It starts to become an issue only when the arguments overwhelm how you feel about each other and why you chose to get into a relationship. If that happens, and you start to question this more often, it's time to consider a break and be honest about it. Tell your girlfriend why you're confused, why you want to think this through, and ask her how she feels about it. If she isn't comfortable with you trying to figure this out, your problems aren't going to magically vanish on their own.

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