She wants but is not ready to give!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend and I recently had a huge argument about what we need to do to make our relationship stronger. She listed things I could do but refused to acknowledge that any of the things I was asking her to do were valid. She thinks she does everything she can to make this work, and I think she does, but there are things about her that bother me too and I don't understand why it always feels as if I am the one with shortcomings. If she can't even accept that she has to do a few things, we are probably going to be like this in the future too, which is worrying because she may only become more set in her ways. What do I do?
Flexibility is a matter of perspective, and relationships are always about give and take. Your girlfriend may not believe she has anything to improve upon, but it may help if you offer her feedback when there are specific instances that bother you. A generic list may work for you if you are more willing to accept criticism, but not everyone is as open to accepting shortcomings. This doesn't have to be a problem if you can both understand what your individual strengths and weaknesses are. There are other ways of getting people to change, and all you have to do is understand her better so you can figure out how best to put your point of view across.

I want to surprise my partner with something special for her birthday, but she is very hard to please, and I am afraid this may cause more harm than good. Should I just abandon the idea?
You should do what you think you would like to as a gesture of showing how much you care about her. Whether or not she appreciates it shouldn't influence the message you are trying to send. Also, you won't really know how she will react until it actually happens.

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