Why is my ex messaging me?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How do I know if I am getting mixed signals from my ex-girlfriend? It has been a year since we ended our relationship, but we have stayed in touch. Over the past few weeks, she tends to message more often and has begun to confide in me about problems she is going through with her current boyfriend. I don't want to stop her from being honest, but I get the feeling she is telling me these things because she wants us to get back together. I can't ask her this directly because if I am wrong, it will push her away and make me come across as the villain which is why I am confused. Does she just want us to become close friends, and keep things that way? What should I do?
Have you considered what you want, and how open you are to the possibility of being friends with an ex? It is perfectly plausible for her to open up with someone she once trusted, because she may see you as someone she can talk to without fear of judgement. If you are willing to play the role of friend, and accept her friendship, it will also be easier for her to be more direct about what she wants. Until that happens, all you can do is speculate, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. Try and be supportive, keep lines of communication open, and you will both find it easier to figure out where this is going, or if it is going anywhere at all.

How do I tell if I am getting too close to someone after just three weeks of dating? My boyfriend tells me everything about his life and I feel as if there is pressure on me to reciprocate. Should I ask him to slow down?
You have the right to draw boundaries and speak about your personal life in your own time. If you feel unduly pressured, speak up, because that helps you both shape the future of this relationship together.

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