Give yourself a deadline, tell him you want an answer, and stick to that ultimatum because it’s the only way you can put yourself and your interests forward
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am in love with a guy who says he has feelings for me, but never responds to my messages. We chat for hours on the phone around once a month, but he is never enthusiastic about meeting in person and always changes the topic when I ask a direct question about us or the possibility of a relationship. It feels as if he is playing with my feelings although when we are chatting, I can tell he is genuine and has a real interest in me. That’s what confuses me because no one who claims to be interested will be so casual about responding to messages. I have repeatedly tried telling myself that I won’t contact him again but whenever he calls, I pick up, and am back at square one. How do I break this pattern?
You have to acknowledge and accept that this isn’t doing anything positive for you or your mental health. You have been clear about your feelings, and he has refused to back his words with actions. Nothing can change that. If he isn’t doing anything about this, irrespective of his motives, the onus is on you to figure out how long you are willing to wait, and what you are getting out of these interactions. Give yourself a deadline, tell him you want an answer, and stick to that ultimatum because it’s the only way you can put yourself and your interests forward.
Is it normal to like someone more than one’s partner even if there is nothing wrong with the partner? I love my girlfriend but have stronger feelings for one of her closest friends, and don’t know what to do.
It’s not about whether your partner is perfect, but about how honest you are with yourself. If you don’t feel the same way about her, and she thinks you do, you’re being unfair to her as well as yourself and this relationship. Sort those feelings out before you think about her friend, or how you feel about anyone else.
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