Dr Love with Mid-Day: His accusation is unfair, I feel...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A few days ago, my boyfriend told me that our relationship wasn't working because I am not as interested in physical intimacy as he is. I was surprised because I have always tried to be accommodating about this. It somehow felt as if he was making me guilty for turning down sex and I have been put off by this because I don't like being coerced into something. I think it's an unfair accusation. We have been in a relationship for just four months, and I am still finding my feet, so I don't know if this conversation is about setting boundaries or about making things better for him without taking my feelings into consideration. What should I do or tell him?
You should tell him exactly what you are confused about because this is absolutely about the setting of boundaries. Physical intimacy can't be forced, and every aspect of a healthy relationship should be built upon the premise that there is mutual respect and acceptance. Without that, this is one-sided and doomed to fail. Tell him why you need time, ask him if he's willing to be more accommodating of your wishes and, if he can't, ask yourself if you are willing to put your own feelings aside to make him happy. If you are, and can accept this inequality, you will still have a relationship, but it won't be a healthy one.

My girlfriend is somehow convinced that she's not the one for me anymore and I can't change her mind. Does this mean she's looking for an excuse to end this because she's in love with someone else or am I misreading what she's saying?
Why not ask her a direct question? If she wants to be with someone else, there's nothing you can do about it. Similarly, if she feels this relationship isn't right for her and you can't change her mind, all you can do is hope that she stops feeling this way or try and find a way to accept her decision.

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