Everyone’s trying to control me!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Everybody in my life hates how I present myself and they are always trying to change my appearance. My boyfriend thinks I need to change my hairdo, while my friends are always asking me to wear different clothes because the ones I like don't suit my body type. I used to listen to them a lot and make these changes, until it got to a point where I started to question how they treat me. I don't want to be a pushover and do what people ask me all the time, so I have stopped listening to them all. This is starting to create issues between us, and I am now wondering if they even have my best interests at heart. Am I being too harsh on them?
You are not being harsh on anyone by drawing boundaries. Growing up is about self-awareness and figuring out one's sense of identity. A lot of this is shaped by our environment and the people around us, of course, but there's nothing wrong with being sure of who you are or how you want to carry yourself. In fact, given that we are a society that embraces what is referred to a ‘herd mentality', you should be proud of yourself for making choices that matter to you alone. This doesn't have to affect your relationships with people though, nor should it make you doubt their intentions, because it is often just a question of being able to speak about what you're feeling. These are people who presumably love and care about you and just need time to understand and accept your point of view. Try talking to them about it more often.

Should I tell a guy that I love him, or just give him hints and wait until he pursues me instead?
That depends upon whether you want him in your life now or whenever he starts to reciprocate your feelings. Being direct may be better because it tells you where things stand without forcing you to make uninformed guesses.

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