Finding it hard to trust again...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 27-year old woman and have been single for six months after a bad break-up. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for three years and were planning to get married in a year or so when things became difficult between us, and we decided to separate. My trust in men has been drastically affected since then and I find it impossible to take anything they say seriously. I know I am being unfair, but I can't help myself and am starting to worry that I will never be able to be in a relationship again because of what has happened. I am seriously considering therapy to get over this, but I was wondering if this is common among people who have bad break-ups. My ex has moved on and it seems as if I am the only one with the problem. Please help.
Therapy is a great idea because the first thing you need to do is stop being so hard on yourself. It's impossible to generalise about people who have had bad relationships, but it's possible to say that all human beings struggle in some way when they stop being in love with someone. The degree to which they are affected may vary, but what you are dealing with is expected given what you went through. Time is the healer, clichéd as that notion may be, and you will surprise yourself a few months from now when you wake up one morning and realise that the grief and anger you once held within yourself appears to have dissipated. Allow yourself to not trust anyone until you're ready.

What is the best way to communicate better with your partner?
Recognising that it requires both people to work together, and won't happen overnight, is a good start. From there, it's a question of being able to open yourself up to scrutiny and talk about things even if they seem difficult.

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