He is abusive, I want to leave him

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a relationship with a guy who has been emotionally abusive towards me for years. We have tried to resolve this on multiple occasions but whenever he gets better, something happens to trigger him, and he relapses into the same patterns. I am still with him because I know this is not his fault. He had an abusive childhood and has struggled with his mental health, so what he does is a symptom of the things he has been going through. I am concerned about my own well-being though because, the longer I am in this relationship, the more I find myself struggling to cope. I want to be a good person and be there for him, but I don't know if I am sacrificing my life for a cause that has no meaning. What should I do?
You are being kind and supportive, which is great, but you can't do much if you aren't doing everything you can to protect yourself. An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship irrespective of the reasons and should be treated as such. Your partner may have valid reasons for everything but taking anything out on you isn't the solution and he has to work harder towards resolving that. If he can't, you will have to take a call at some point and decide if this is what you want your companion and your relationship to be like. If you know the risks and are willing to take them, speak to a professional and get the help you need to be able to cope. If you can't, and know that you have a breaking point, put yourself first. Healing him is not in your hands because you don't have the tools.

My girlfriend talks way too loudly in public, and it is embarrassing. How do I get her to stop?
Tell her how you feel but, if you are ashamed of who she is or how she behaves, the two of you may have a problem in the future.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com