Dr Love with Mid-Day: His parents’ divorce is affecting us...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend's parents are getting a divorce, and this has affected our own relationship because he is extremely depressed. He assumes we won't make it because love isn't enough, and I understand why he would feel this way, but wish I could change his mind. It's normal for him to feel so fatalistic towards relationships because he loves his parents, but I think it's unfair that I have to bear the brunt of this and feel so insecure being with him. I feel as if he may break up with me anytime just because of how vulnerable he feels. How do I help him and save our relationship?
You can help by being supportive precisely by accepting that he is vulnerable. He is unsure of everything because his reality has shifted and he is trying to process emotions he possibly has little control over. If this is affecting your relationship, pointing it out may not help much given his state of mind. It may be better to simply try and spend time with him, so he is reassured by your presence, and wait until he's ready to talk about what he's going through. He needs emotional support at the moment, and providing that will also change his point of view about the importance of having a companion when someone in pain needs it the most.

I don't know if my boyfriend is still in love with his ex. He keeps denying it but also can't seem to stop mentioning her in a positive light whenever we have a fight. Am I reading this incorrectly?
If you don't want him to talk about his ex, tell him why it bothers you. If he says he has no feelings for her, point out that bringing her up during an argument is irrelevant and disrespectful. If that doesn't work, ask him to take time off from this relationship until he has processed his previous one and is ready to move on. The onus of making you feel secure is on him.

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