I asked for time, now he is acting weird!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend recently proposed to me, and I told him I would think about it very seriously and get back to him as soon as possible. I asked for some time, not because I have doubts about this relationship but because I wanted to think about how this move could change other aspects of my life. He didn't take my response very well and has been acting very strange since then. I think he expected me to jump for joy and accept immediately, so my asking for time must have seemed like an insult of some kind. I didn't mean it like that at all, and have been trying to pacify him, but I don't know how to explain that hurting him was not my intention. He isn't even communicating properly so I am starting to worry that he may break up just to get back at me. Was I wrong? Should I just accept his proposal?
Why should you apologise for wanting time when this is a life-changing decision? If your boyfriend doesn't get that, he isn't taking this as seriously as you are. A misunderstanding is okay and can be rectified with communication when he calms down and begins speaking again. The idea of him breaking up in retaliation is worrying though, not only because it shows a lack of maturity, but because it should raise red flags about how he sees this relationship. If he genuinely wants to spend the rest of his life with you, a few months shouldn't make any difference because there is trust and a sense of security involved. If he thinks it's better to walk away than give you that time and space, you're probably better off being with someone who respects you a little more. Accepting his proposal to pacify him is a wrong approach, because it sets a precedent for how you will handle this relationship going forward, and how he will expect you to give in no matter what. Until he calms down, write him a note.

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