I’m not sure about committing...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend asked if I would consider a long-term commitment. This was a surprise because we have only been together for five months, and I asked him why he wanted to know. He said he really liked me and could see himself spending the rest of his life with me, and didn't want to say more because he was worried that this would frighten me away. I wasn't frightened, and told him that, but also pointed out that we have only been together for a short time and that it would be hard for me to commit to something without getting to know him better. Ever since, he has begun to seem a little distant. I think he's not sure about how I feel, which is true because I really would like to get to know him better. I don't want to commit to something just to make him feel comfortable, or because he feels more strongly about this than I do. At the same time, this appears to be creating some distance between us. How do I resolve this?
You are not under any obligation to resolve anything, given that you haven't done anything wrong. It is perfectly sensible to get to know someone before committing to anything, and just because he feels a particular way about you doesn't automatically require you to reciprocate. If he genuinely loves you and cares about you, he should be sensible too, and recognise that the only way this relationship can work is to give you as much time as you need to feel comfortable with the idea. If he can't handle that, and believes you should commit to something before he can behave in a better manner, this is not a good sign and shows that he isn't very accommodating or respectful of your desires or expectations. Tell him how you feel and give him a chance to change how he acts with you. If he doesn't, this will teach you something about him too.

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