My phobia could ruin our connection

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a phobia of flying which makes it impossible for me to go on holidays to distant places. My boyfriend knows this but is always disappointed when we have to go somewhere nearby for a holiday. He says it's not a big deal, but I can tell this makes him feel as if his life is being curtailed in some way because of my behaviour. I feel guilty but can't help it and don't know what to do. I am going to speak to a counsellor about this, and don't want my relationship to deteriorate because of something like this. Is there anything else I can do to try and make this easier for my boyfriend until I feel strong enough to travel with him?
If your boyfriend cannot accept you the way you are, there are bigger problems in your relationship than your phobia of flying. None of us is perfect, and a relationship that works is one based on mutual respect and understanding. If you have a phobia, there is nothing you can do about it, and even if therapy helps you overcome it, there is no reason why your partner should not accept that this is beyond your control. Maybe he should consider speaking to a counsellor too, because it sounds as if he needs to work on being more accommodating. I suggest you tell him that you're doing everything you can, ask for patience and understanding, and consider yourself and your needs too. If the success of this relationship depends upon you doing all the work, the future doesn't seem to be on solid ground.

What can I do to make my girlfriend more accepting of my friends? She doesn't seem to care about them very much and it hurts me as well as them.
Your relationship with your girlfriend will always be different from the one you have with your friends, and there is no real reason why they should be forced to get along. If she doesn't care, accept it.

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