She says she will break up with me!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 23-year old guy and have been having some problems with my girlfriend. She says I am very possessive and jealous, only because I ask her who she hangs out with. I am not jealous, but only concerned because I have seen her with some bad people and don't want her to waste her time on them. She says she is capable of taking care of herself, but she is only 21 and I feel as if it is my duty to make sure she is safe. She says she will break up with me if I keep asking her questions and I am afraid because if that happens, I won't be able to take care of her. I love her very much and want to be there for her, so how do I manage that when she won't be honest with me? Please help.

The first thing you should start doing is listen. She is being very specific about how she perceives your actions and is asking you not to do certain things that bother her. If she says she is capable of taking care of herself and making her own decisions, your inability to accept that is insulting to her. You have the right intentions, of course, because you should take care of each other, but she is also an adult and capable of drawing her own boundaries. She will get a better sense of whom to trust and whom to avoid only when she spends time with people and starts to understand them a little better. Tell her you are there for her if she needs you, which is all that matters for now, and allow her to live her own life.

My girlfriend recently told me that she has been thinking about breaking up but doesn't have a good reason. I told her she can, but I am a little upset because this came as a surprise. What should I do?

Give her time until she comes up with a plausible explanation.

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