Should we end this relationship?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been having an affair with a married man for over four years. I am also married, but my marriage has not been real for a long time because my husband and I both live separate lives. This is a painful situation for me because the person I am with can't get out of his marriage either. It feels as if we are trapped because neither of us is free to declare our love for each other publicly. We can't go out on dates, or on short holidays, and have to lie to our family and friends all the time. It's like living a double life and it's starting to take a toll on both of us. He recently told me that this can't continue for much longer because it is affecting his mental health and I agree because it is breaking me down too. Is there anything we can do to save this relationship? If I lose him, it feels as if there will be nothing left to live for, which terrifies me.
You are in an adulterous relationship and the risks as well as complications that arise from that situation are obvious to you both. Yes, this will take a toll on your mental health, and the fact that no solution has been found in all these years only makes it clear that there is no path forward. If either of you wants to live together, there are legal ways to do it, but neither of you has opted for them. A lack of support from family and friends only makes things worse. This relationship has no future and the sooner you accept that, the better. It may sound harsh, but you have to rethink your future and what it means to be happy. If losing this person makes you feel as if there is nothing left to live for, that should be a wake-up call that prompts you to start questioning your priorities. Ask yourself why you feel trapped and try seeking professional advice.

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