We differ on plans for our future...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend and I recently got into an argument about our future and realised that we have radically different expectations from what this relationship should be. We haven't had a conversation about it since then, but it has been playing on my mind and I don't know to do about it. She believes we can resolve these issues in time, but I am concerned because the longer I am with her, the more I am invested in this, which means we both have more to lose if things don't work out. I don't want that to happen obviously, but I also worry about her not taking this seriously enough. Things don't just work out without any intervention, and I want to address these things before we go forward. Should I ask for a break until we can sort this out, and end it if we can't arrive at a solution?
Why ask for a break when an honest conversation can do the same thing? A break implies a lack of faith and may actually get in the way of the two of you trying to find a solution. When you are together, there is more trust because you are both invested in making this relationship work. It makes it easier to talk about individual expectations and what you would both like the other to consider. A break simply puts you both on the backfoot instantly, while indicating an unwillingness to compromise. Take things slow, consider what both your wants are, and be honest. That may work a lot better than you expect it to.

Should I ask my boyfriend to lie to his parents about us? I know they won't like me because of my background and don't want to end this if they force him to.
Why not give him the benefit of doubt instead of assuming he will go with what they're saying? If he has chosen to be with you, it's obvious that he has a mind of his own. Why assume the worst?

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