Her BF is turning her against me...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My best friend began dating a guy a few months ago and things were going well until I started to realise that her boyfriend was slowly turning her against me. I don't know if he has been doing this because he has a problem with me or because he is just possessive and wants her to himself, but she doesn't seem to get it and there have been instances where I have felt that our friendship has changed. We don't communicate as much as we used to and trying to meet her on weekends is almost impossible because she always has dates planned that don't involve me or any of her other friends. How do I get her to see that this is damaging to us? I'm not jealous, but I want her to pay attention to the fact that this relationship may cause her to lose out on a lot of other bonds.
You should air these views as frankly as possible and tell her why you feel the way you do. Ask her to plan an evening with just the two of you, whenever possible, and give her time to understand your perspective. Relationships always have an impact on other people, and not always in a good way, but they take time to evolve, and for everyone involved to work their way around them. Your friend is probably just trying to get a sense of where things stand between her and her boyfriend. She may take a while to get back to being the person she used to be, and she may temporarily lose sight of other people as she focuses on this change in her circumstances. Let her know that you're there for her and are willing to wait until she reorganizes her priorities. Sometimes, getting out of the way and allowing someone to recognize the value of others is a good thing. It may feel as if she is taking you for granted but being patient and allowing her time and space will help.

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