How do I keep my childhood friends?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How do I fix friendships that are starting to deteriorate? People I went to college with are starting to distance themselves from me and I can't seem to stop this. I understand that we all change as we grow older, and I know they have different priorities now, as well as different partners in their lives, but I feel as if they aren't even trying to maintain these bonds. I try and organise get-togethers at my place every month, for instance, and the number of people who show up only gets smaller. Should I just give up and accept that this is what the future is going to be like? I want to try and save these friendships because they are valuable to me, but I can't seem to do anything to get my friends to see this the same way.
You're right about priorities changing as we grow older, and this difference in perspective is one aspect of how we start to look at the world differently. If your friends are important to you, all you can do is try to reach out as often as possible and let them know that they matter. If they value you too, this situation will change over time and evolve into something stronger and more meaningful. You have to be prepared to wait though, because people have individual lives that don't always allow for similar points of view. For now, all you can do is tell them what they mean to you, and that you are there if they need someone to talk to. If they don't reciprocate, ask yourself how long you are prepared to do the heavy lifting until things change.

How do I know if a kiss is just a kiss or something more meaningful? What if the person is just being flirtatious?
The easiest way to find out is to ask the person out and ask a direct question. If they turn down your request, you have your answer. Misunderstandings can be embarrassing but are avoidable.

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