Mother won’t allow me to date!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 22-year-old woman and have been trying to have a normal dating life for a few years now, but I can't because my mother does not trust me. My father is not that strict, but my mother has old-fashioned ideas about dating and relationships and doesn't even like the idea of me chatting with a guy. We have spoken about this often, and she keeps trying to explain that I will be allowed to live my life in a few years, but when will this happen if she can't treat me like an adult yet? I am increasingly frustrated and worried that this will ruin my relationship with her forever. How do I manage this?
It feels as if your mother is struggling with this relationship too, because of her inability to acknowledge that you are no longer a child. This is a common issue and can't be resolved overnight because it involves unlearning from both sides as well as learning how to cope with changed circumstances. It may help to change the nature of dialogue with your mother from a confrontational approach to one of understanding. Try asking her how she feels about you growing up, and what her adolescence was like. She may struggle to reconcile her life with how different things are in today's world, which is normal and part of why the notion of a ‘generational gap' exists. She is on your side, which is what you need to accept, along with the fact that understanding another person's point of view requires patience, communication, and empathy. Keep talking, be honest about your emotions, and she will come around.

My boyfriend says I overreact when he does something wrong, but this happens only when he lies to me. Should I just pretend nothing is wrong?
If he isn't accepting why you feel a certain way, it's a form of gaslighting and should be called out. You can't help feeling a certain way and shouldn't be made to feel like you're the problem.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com