Was breaking up a big mistake?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I don't know how to feel about my ex-girlfriend anymore because whenever I run into her, it feels like I made a huge mistake by letting her go. We were in a relationship for three years and ended it mutually because we felt there was no real affection between us anymore. I have questioned that in the months since our break-up and believe we were just jaded more than anything else. I want to tell her this, but I am also afraid because I don't want to repeat my mistakes and get back into a situation where I am not happy. I miss her, but I also remember how bad things were between us by the time we broke up. What should I do?
You can't have things both ways. If you decided this wasn't working out, your mutual decision was based on what you really felt at the time. Missing someone is normal, given that you were together for a long time, but that shouldn't cloud your judgement. You can try speaking to her about this, by all means, but you don't know anything about where things stand with her, how she views the end of your relationship, or if she is even interested in having a conversation about this. Until you learn more about how she thinks, you are only jumping to conclusions and second-guessing yourself.

Our sex life has bombed after marriage, and I don't know what I am doing wrong. How do we change this?
You and your partner alone can take steps to fix this, starting with an acknowledgement of what is going wrong. Learn to open up about your feelings, talk about what you want sexually, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable because that will help you both arrive at a place of honesty. You can also consider taking a short holiday because a change of environment may help. A new life with someone can be stressful, so try accepting that possibility by being a little patient with your partner too.

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