Wondering if we should end this...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How do I know if my relationship isn't going well and it's time to end it? My boyfriend is going away for a few months and there have been signs that this isn't stable because neither of us knows what the future holds. If I end it before he leaves, it may be good because it will allow him to recover and move on while also making my life easier. The distance may be good for us both, which is why I am thinking of having this conversation with him now. We have not discussed it, and I don't know if he is thinking the same way as I do, but it will take one of us to bring it up for some resolution to appear. Is this a good idea or should I wait until he returns and hope that I see things differently?
It feels as if you are okay with this relationship going either way, which means you need time to understand yourself a little better. If you are okay with him going, as well as okay with the possibility of changing your mind and trying to make this work, you should both be speaking about this now, so you have information that helps you both to proceed. If he hasn't mentioned anything because he doesn't know how you feel, distance doesn't bring either of you closer to a resolution. Why not forget about his trip entirely and look at this as a problem between two people who don't know if they want to be together? Try answering that question as a couple first, and the way forward will be clearer.

Why can't my ex-boyfriend be my friend when I am prepared to let bygones be bygones and save some aspect of what we once had?
You have both ended a relationship for separate reasons, and he is entitled to choose whether he wants to salvage something or not. If he doesn't want you in his life, you have no choice but to accept it.

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