Girlfriend depends on her parents a lot!

Updated: Jul 11, 2020, 06:22 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

She doesn't have a problem living with me, and it's not as if she leaves because of an argument or anything, but she just misses her parents and spends more and more time with them

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picMy girlfriend and I moved in together after dating for two years. We discussed this a lot and decided we both wanted to do it. It has been five months since the move and, in that time, she has gone home to her parents six times. She doesn't have a problem living with me, and it's not as if she leaves because of an argument or anything, but she just misses her parents and spends more and more time with them. This bothers me because it's a sign that she may not be able to let go of them if we ever decide to take our relationship to the next level. How do I deal with this?

Why is this a problem? Is there anything worrying about someone wanting to spend time with their parents? It's a sign of a healthy relationship, provided you recognise that she is a social being with a life that intersects with other people's lives. Being with someone doesn't mean being tied to them constantly. In time, you will recognise the value of giving each other space and how that helps you grow together. I suggest you ignore this feeling of being unwanted, if that is what it is, and concentrate on the time you do spend together. If this relationship has to evolve, the two of you should arrive at a place of comfort with each other first, which will involve allowing the other person to have a life outside of this relationship.

Things have changed between my wife and I after we had a baby. She doesn't enjoy spending as much time with me and I am also okay not being with her as much. Is this something we should both worry about?

Not really. The two of you have had a life-changing event and simply need to re-adjust your lives to accommodate a new person. Give her as much time and space as she needs, and take time off yourself, as you all grow together and become a larger family.

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